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Lips On The Mirror
12/19/2014 from DailyJokes#1100

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

Book With No Story
12/18/2014 from DailyJokes#1099

A blonde puts a book on the librarian’s desk and says,

“This book has no story and way too many characters.”

The librarian says, “So that’s where the phone book went.”

Wrong Side of the Bed
12/17/2014 from DailyJokes#1098

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters”.

They reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, “Good morning Brother.”

The Brother replies in a sing song voice, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

The priest was very confused at this and goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, “Good morning Father.”

The priest replies in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, “Father …”

The young priest was not going to take any more, even from the Bishop. He looks at the Bishop and says, “No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

The Bishop looks at him stunned and says “What?”

The priest realized his mistake and said “I am sorry your holiness, what is it you wanted.”

The bishop looks at him and says, “All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann’s shoes?”

Safe to swim here?
12/16/2014 from DailyJokes#1097

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

I will do anything to pass
12/15/2014 from DailyJokes#1096

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"