Jokes Library

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Grocery Money
04/22/2014 from DailyJokes#850

Man to wife: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I’ve been giving you?

Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

Big Decision
04/21/2014 from DailyJokes#849

I met a man who had been married for 66 years.

“Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”

“Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”

“Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?”

“Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decision!”

Countdown To Destruction
04/20/2014 from DailyJokes#848
On New Year’s Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Vacationed in Hawaii
04/19/2014 from DailyJokes#847

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

“I’m the lifeguard,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I couldn’t get out until you did.”

The little sexy housewife
04/18/2014 from DailyJokes#846

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a… well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.”

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man — sigh — he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man…”

The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes, yes!”

“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door…”

“Yes, yes!”

“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”