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A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a baby pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied, "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
A man walks into a bar, already drunk, and asks for a drink. "Sorry," the bartender says, "but you obviously already had a little too much to drink."
Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”
“Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t have a drink here.”
The man staggers out again and then stumbles his way back in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Enough!” the bartender screamed. “I told you, no drinks!”
The man looks at the bartender closely and exclaims “Geez! How many bars do you work at?!"
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites."
"Why thank you," I replied.
Then he concluded with, "You were mean to everyone.”
During a sixth grade sex education class, the young professor asked, "What happens to a young woman during puberty?"
There was no reply from her students, so she rephrased the question. "What happens to young women as they mature?"
One girl raised her hand and answered, “We start carrying purses?”
An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.
“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.
“Sure,” said the man.
“Thanks,” said the drunk.