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03/18/2024 from DailyJokes
#18202

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire show every year,

And every year Bill would say,

” Blanche, I’d like to ride in that there ‘elicopter “

Blanche always replied,

” I know Bill, but that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, And twenty quid is twenty quid ! “

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

” Blanche, I’m 75 years old. If I don’t ride that there ‘elicopter, I might never get another chance “

To this, Blanche replied,

” Bill that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid “

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

” I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s

twenty quid. “

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

” By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t..I’m impressed! “

Bill replied,

” Well, to tell you t’truth I almost said summat when Blanche fell out, But tha’ knows, twenty quid is twenty quid”

Funny +59
03/17/2024 from DailyJokes
#18198

An old hunter was on his way back to the village holding a dead goose he caught.

He met a scammer from another village on the way.

The scammer decided to try his skills on the hunter.

The scammer claimed that the goose was his goose that laid one golden egg every day and now hunter must compensate him for his loss.

To the scammer surprise, hunter apologized without disputing the ridiculous claim.

But said he would like a judge to determine the amount he owes the scammer.

They both agreed to take the matter to the village chief for a fair decision.

Scammer thought he had nothing to lose and took him to his village.

Scammer presented his claim to the chief.

Then hunter made the scammer swore in front of the chief that the goose had been giving him golden eggs and how long it had been.

The scammer repeated the claim and said it had been over a year.

The old man then claimed that he was a very wealthy person from another village and he had been hunting for this goose for over a year and he just caught it.

The goose had been stealing one golden egg a day from his vault.

He then asked the judge to seize all the scammer assets.

Funny +18
-57 Not Funny
03/16/2024 from DailyJokes
#18194

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess,

“I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One k*** from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the

castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,

she kept laughing and saying,

“I don’t THINK so.

Funny +40
-27 Not Funny
03/15/2024 from DailyJokes
#18191

A dog and a cat were having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

The dog says,

“Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”

The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”

Funny +54
-32 Not Funny
03/15/2024 from DailyJokes
#18186

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat–

all die and go to heaven.

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says

“The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate principles? What do you believe in?”

The golden retriever says

“I believe in loyalty, companionship, and love. I have been a cherished part of my owner’s family for many years.”

God smiles. “Truly, you have a pure and loving heart. You shall sit at my right hand.”

He then turns to the parakeet. “What do you believe in?”

“I believe in colour, flamboyance, and music,” the parakeet says.

“For many years I have displayed my beautiful feathers and filled my owner’s house with a song.”

“Your beauty is truly magnificent,” God says.

“And your song shall echo through the universe. You shall sit at my left.”

God finally turns to the house cat.

“And you, majestic little predator, what do you believe in?”

The cat lazily surveys God’s throne and says,

“I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

Funny +15
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