Jokes Library

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07/27/2016 from DailyJokes#1727

Stand-Up Comedian: "You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only."

Stand-Up Comedian's Friend: "Oh yeah? You were that good?"

Stand-Up Comedian: "That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before."

07/26/2016 from DailyJokes#1726

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.

"To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million," the attorney reads.

"To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million."

"And finally," the lawyer concludes, "to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!"

07/25/2016 from DailyJokes#1725

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu!"

Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?”

“Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said. "He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”

07/24/2016 from DailyJokes#1724

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

07/23/2016 from DailyJokes#1723

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me!" said the beginner.