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A husband is having a beer at the pub with his friends when he sends an email to his wife.
"What are you emailing her?" asked one.
He reads his message out loud, "Having a beer with the boys. If I'm not home in twenty minutes, read this email again."
Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can take me out to dinner tonight!"
A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"
A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down and I turned off the lights.
Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.
Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand and hand these days. I wasn’t surprised when one of my daughter’s friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don’t tell my parents," she begged.
"I won’t," I promised. "You're 18 now, so I guess it's your choice. By the way, what does that stand for?"
"Honesty," she said.
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles.
In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy. They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.
The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve PEANUTS on this flight."