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04/21/2018 from DailyJokes
#11335

One day, on their 30-year anniversary, a fairy appeared at the home of a 60-year-old married couple and said to the husband: “I understood from your wife that you were a model husband throughout your marriage, and I would like to fulfill a wish of yours in honor of your anniversary.”

The husband smiled and said to his wife: “I am sorry my beloved wife, but such an opportunity won’t come again, “ He turned to the fairy and said, “For the next few years I want to spend time with a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy smiled and said, “That’s exactly what I thought you’d answer.”

The fairy winked at the woman, waved her magic wand, and turned the husband into a 90-year-old man.

Funny +49
-14 Not Funny
04/20/2018 from DailyJokes
#11329

A tourist climbed out of his hire-car in downtown Washington, D.C.

He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.

He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?”

“Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that. But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”

Funny +104
-32 Not Funny
04/19/2018 from DailyJokes
#11325


The following ad in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:

“Single female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play.

I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

Rub me the right way and watch me respond.

I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

Kiss me and I’m yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.”

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old Labrador retriever.

Funny +162
-17 Not Funny
04/18/2018 from DailyJokes
#11321

One man was reading the newspaper in the afternoon when his wife suddenly came out from behind him and hit him in the head with the pan.

“Why did you do that?!” He shouted. “I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket, with the name ‘Suzy’ on it.” She answered.

“Jesus Christ, honey, remember that last week I went out with friends to hang out at the racing track?”

Susy was the name of the horse I was betting on.“ The woman was silent.

Three days later, as he read the newspaper again, his wife emerged from behind him and hit him again on his head with the frying pan.

“Why did you do that this time?!” He shouted. “I just wanted to let you know… your horse called.”

Funny +147
-17 Not Funny
04/17/2018 from DailyJokes
#11318

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

‘What in bag?’ asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’

The woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, ‘Good trade.’

Funny +163
-30 Not Funny
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