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04/25/2018 from DailyJokes
#11352


Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “Two Prostitutes — $50.00.”

A policeman seeing the sign stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign Or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”

One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?!”

“Well, that’s a little different; the officer smiled “Their sign pertains to religion.”

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

“Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter — $50.00.”

Funny +24
04/24/2018 from DailyJokes
#11345

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

Funny +130
-19 Not Funny
04/23/2018 from DailyJokes
#11341

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader’s table.

The mysterious woman said: “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said: “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”

“That’s true,” said Paul.

“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”

“Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters.”

Funny +75
-101 Not Funny
04/22/2018 from DailyJokes
#11338

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper: “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?”

“Yes,” the professor answered.

“When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.”

“Well,” said the gatekeeper. “That is a very minor sin. You may enter.”

“Thank you very much, Saint Peter,” the professor answered.

“You’re welcome, but I am not Saint Peter,” said the gatekeeper. “He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.”

Funny +39
-151 Not Funny
04/21/2018 from DailyJokes
#11335

One day, on their 30-year anniversary, a fairy appeared at the home of a 60-year-old married couple and said to the husband: “I understood from your wife that you were a model husband throughout your marriage, and I would like to fulfill a wish of yours in honor of your anniversary.”

The husband smiled and said to his wife: “I am sorry my beloved wife, but such an opportunity won’t come again, “ He turned to the fairy and said, “For the next few years I want to spend time with a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy smiled and said, “That’s exactly what I thought you’d answer.”

The fairy winked at the woman, waved her magic wand, and turned the husband into a 90-year-old man.

Funny +161
-33 Not Funny
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