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There was a little boy whose mother was about
to have a baby.
One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked,
he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs?
She responded, “It’s my washcloth”.
Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy
walked in on his mother again, but while she was in the
hospital the doctor shaved her pubic hair, and the boy
asked his mother:
“What happened to your washcloth?”
The mother responded, “I lost it”.
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his
A few days later the little boy went running to his mother
yelling and screaming,
“I found your washcloth!”
The mother thinking that the child was just playing went
along with the boy and asked,
“Where did you find it?”
The boy answered,
“The maid has it and she’s washing daddy’s face with it.”
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.
When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that faucet?” The manager replied, “That’s a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00. Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that is a very expensive faucet. It’s certainly out of my price bracket.”
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. “Ma’am, do you wanna screw for the hinge. Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back,
“No, but I will for the faucet.”
Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose,
and throat man to get well.
There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors,
gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole,
there’s a guy who specializes in your hole.
They make an entire career out of that hole.
And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor,
gynecologist, or proctologist can’t help you,
he sends you to a surgeon.
So he can make a new hole!
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home.
It turned out to be a very good decision,
because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat 3 times
I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.’
It worked! The headaches are all gone.”
“Well, that is wonderful,” replies the husband.
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She’s not my wife!
She’s not my wife!
She’s not my wife!”