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10/04/2024 from DailyJokes
#19024
An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room
The grandfather says to his grand daughter;
‘ Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya’
The grand daughter says;
‘ Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it’s the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now’.
‘Here take my phone’,
she hands over her phone to the old man.
The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall
10/03/2024 from DailyJokes
#18941
One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot.
So he thought he’d give a hoot back.
To his surprise and delight, the bird hooted again.
The next night the same scenario occurred.
All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.
He even kept a log of the “conversations.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next-door neighbour.
“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.
“That’s odd,” the neighbour replied.
“So does my husband.”
10/02/2024 from DailyJokes
#18937
A Psychiatrist Had No Patients In His Office.
Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.
His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic.
He was holding strange objects in his hands.
He was dragging cables along behind himself.
The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed,
“And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake…”
The man shook his head.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice your legs. You’re a dragon, right?” The man shook his head again angrily.
“Sorry… a worm?” The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.
“Go to hell, you idiot! I’m the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!”
10/01/2024 from DailyJokes
#18933
A guy was lost in the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The guy asked,
“Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”
The old man replied,
“I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie?. Here’s one that goes nicely with your shirt.”
The guy shouted,
“I don’t want a tie, you idiot! I need water!”
“OK, don’t buy a tie, but to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that dune there, about five miles down, there is a nice restaurant my brother
runs. Go over that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”
The guy thanked him and walked away towards the dune and eventually disappeared.
Three hours later the guy came crawling back to where the old man was sitting behind his card table.
The old man said,
“I told you, about five miles over that dune. Couldn’t you find it?”
The guy rasped,
“I found it, they wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”
09/30/2024 from DailyJokes
#18927
A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning.
When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
“Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,” said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer.
The amazed man told the farmer his story.
“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer.
“Yes, yes,” the man replied.
“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer.
“She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”