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While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: “Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are fine.
Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The lady started taking off her clothes…..
Doctor, stopping her: “No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue.”
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say “It could have been worse.” His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, “Where’s Gary?”
And one of his friends said, “Didn’t you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.”
Joe says, “Well it could have been worse.”
Both his friends said, “How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!”
Joe says, “If it had happened two days ago, I’d be dead now!”
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said, “I love you.”
She said, “Is that you or the beer talking?”
I replied, “It’s me talking to the beer.”