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Hysterically Funny Parenting Tweets

07/14/2018 from DailyJokes
#11650

We all know that kids say the funniest of things, but what about parents? Well, as the Tweets in the jokes below prove, they say some pretty funny things too.

If you’re a parent then you’ll be able to relate to most of them, and if you’re not a parent yet, well, you might just get a glimpse of what lies in store should you choose to become one…

5 year old: Daddy can I gell you a secret?
Me: Sure thing buddy…
5 year old: *grabs my face and whispers*
I just pooped and I did’nt wash my hands.

Me: There’s my big girl.
3 year old: I’m not a big girl!
Me: There’s my little girl.
3 year old: I’m not little!
Me: What are you?
3 year old: A dragon.

My favorite thing about watching a new movie with my 5 year old is probably watching it 17 times a day for the next 3 months.

7 year old daugher: “If I’m watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn’t they be couchtoons cause I’m not in a car?”

No paternity tested needed.

Just taugh my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Me: What did you learn in kindergarten today?
5 year old: A doughnut would help me remember.
Apparently she learned bribery.

As the parent of a 5 year old boy, I can name all the dinosaurs and none of my coworkers.
Me: We already have three girls.
What do you think the new baby will be?
2 year old daughter: A cat.

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