You may think that dog are these easy going creatures, with no rules in their happy heads, but you’d be wrong. Dogs have many rules in their lives, designed to delight them as well as, sometimes, frustrate us. Here are some of the simpler ‘rules’ our canine friends seem to have!
Quickly figure out which guest is the one most afraid of dogs. Charge across the room while barking as loud as you can and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts weeping and crying, lick his face and gently growl to show your concern, and your teeth.
You are a dog, and as such, you are expected to bark. So go for it and bark a lot. Your owners will be so very pleased to know you protecting their house. Try to do it late at night while they are sleeping. Nothing says sleep like knowing your dog is out there, barking the bad people away all night long.
Always sit underneath the table at dinner, this goes double when there are guests, so you can beg, and bark, and make the party even better by cleaning up any food that falls to the floor. This is also a great time to get to know some new scents by sniffing all the guests.
Humans prefer your tongue to be as wet as possible, so try to drink a LOT before licking them on the face. Be nice and get your human one of their shirts to wipe their face on. Suits and dresses make for great towels.
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won’t notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they’ll think it’s gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
The Art Of Sniffing
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them.
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don’t injure yourself.
When chasing cats (and you will), make sure you never.quite.catch.them. It will spoil all the fun!
Going For Walks
The golden rule of walking: When out on a walk with your master or mistress, don’t forget to never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. The cranky neighbor’s lawn is so much greener, after all.
Make a contribution to the fashion industry… eat a shoe.