08/16/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11785
Much to the confusion and surprise of their parents, kids can sometimes blurt out the darndest things! Whether they’re having a chat with their toys or asking tricky questions about an aspect of life that is too early to reveal to them, some of the most hilarious things ever uttered have come straight from the mouths of babes. Keep scrolling to discover some of the most outrageous things kids have ever said:
I went to see a mortgage advisor with my 7 year old son. As I sat at the desk, my son sat down and said to the man “Hello, I am not her husband.”
5 year old: “Can I have a Twik?”
Me: “You mean Twix?”
5 year old: “No, I only want one.”
My 4 year old was using this spider man cup all day long without complaints.Then he hands it to me and calmly states, “Here, Mama. This is the worst cup I have ever seen.”
2 year old: “What’s that? Can I hold it?”
Me: ” That’s a calculator.”
2 year old: “No, that’s a calculNOW.”
I told my kids that we are no longer saying “shut up” because it sounds mean and can hurt people’s feelings. So my kids are getting creative with their use of words. My 9 year old daughter was talking and talking, and my 6 year old son couldn’t take it anymore and said, “SILENCE YOU PEASANT!”
When my child came home from school on the bus, I paused the work conference call I was on to ask her how her day was. She responded, “Shhhh go back to work. I have a list of things I want you to buy me with the money you are making.”She is five.
“C’mon, Elsa! Get it together!”
My almost 3 year old said this to her doll who kept falling over.
Soccer coach: “When you are trying to scrore a goal, kick the ball with the laces of your shoes.”
My 4 year old daughter: “Umm, we are in preschool. Dere’s only belcro [velcro] walking around here.”
My son walks up to me with his hands dangling under his chin, fingers spread out and wiggling around.
Son: “Mom, like my beard of testicles?!”
Me: “…What? Beard of… What?”
Son: “My beard of testicles…. I’m an octopus!”
Me: “TENTACLES, kiddo. They are called tentacles.”
Son: “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
I sat down with my 3 year old daughter who was playing at her dollhouse.
I asked her which doll I could be and she replied, “The one that does the dishes.”
Dropped [my son] off at preschool and he says, ” Have a good weekend, Mommy” as he leaves the car. Clearly he has plans that don’t include me.
3 year old daughter: “Boys can wear dresses, right?”
Husband: “Yes, they can – most boys don’t, but if they wanted to, they could.”
3 year old daughter: “Daddy, you wouldn’t look good in a dress- it’s not your style.”
From my 5 year old: “Why do my little ball things hurt when I squeeze them?They’re not even attached to my body.”
Me: “Why is the dog’s head all wet?”
My 3 year old (standing outside on the patio): “Oh, because I peed on him.”
My 3 year old daughter walks in on my husband using the bathroom and says,
“Daddy, put that thing back in your pants.”
