04/12/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20375
A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch.
She asks what’s wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked.
So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty.
She asks, “What’s going on?”
He replies, “I’m having a heart attack.”
She says “I’m going to call 911, while I’m really looking for my sister.”
She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, “How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you’re running around scaring the kids!”
04/11/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20372
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice.
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!”
As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “Yes! Yes! I won! I won!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?”
The other answers, “I don’t know, I thought you were watching.”
04/10/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20365
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp.
He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.”
The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”
“I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double that amount.”
“Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.”
“Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.”
“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything.”
“Granted, and your ex-wife gets two.”
“Now make your final wish.”
The explorer walks around for a few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.”
04/09/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20362
A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor.
As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.
They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.
The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father.
The wife says, “Oh, that’s actually better.”
The husband says he can’t feel anything.
Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much.
The husband says he sill can’t feel anything.
The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%.
The husband still can’t feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her.
The baby is born.
The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.
04/08/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20359
Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting.
They each have a boomstickwith 2 bullets.
They make a fire.
Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting.
She comes back with 2 rabbits.
The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?”
She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped.”
Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer.
The other two say, “Wow, Where did you get that?”
She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped.”
The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue.
They others say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn’t stop.”