04/05/2026 from Daily Jokes
#22010
In the heart of the Roman Empire, where justice was swift and often bloody, a peculiar case landed on Emperor Caesar’s desk. A man had been convicted of a crime so shocking, so barbaric, that even the seasoned senators gasped when the charges were read: he had eaten his own wife.
The soldiers dragged the prisoner into the throne room. He was a burly fellow, dusted with sand and spices, looking surprisingly well-fed. Caesar, seated high on his marble throne, leaned forward with a stern expression.
“Do you have remorse for your heinous crime?” Caesar boomed, his voice echoing off the stone walls.
The Roman prisoner looked up. He didn’t hang his head. He didn’t weep. Instead, a wide, satisfied grin spread across his face. He shook his head cheerfully.
Caesar was shocked. “You stand accused of cannibalism, and you smile?”
The man shrugged. He looked very happy.
Caesar’s eyes narrowed. “To commit such an act is bad enough, but to be happy about it? That shows true depravity. As punishment, you shall not be executed immediately. Instead, you will be thrown into the arena. Keep him in chains, and every day make him fight armed opponents, using only the minimum of weapons! Report back to me in a week.
We’ll see if he’s still smiling then.”
The guards dragged the man off to the dungeons. He was still smiling.
As commanded, the punishment began.
On the first day, armed with only a net and a stick, he fought a seasoned opponent with a spear. He barely survived.
The next day, with only a small rope, he fought two swordsmen. He was bruised and battered.
Day after day, he was forced to fight lions, gladiators, and chariots, always under-armed and over-matched.
At the end of the week, the prisoner was dragged back before the throne. He was in a real sorry state. Bruised, broken, bandaged, and barely able to stand. He could barely blink, let alone smile.
The head guard stepped forward to deliver the report to Caesar. He scratched his helmet, looking a bit confused about the terminology.
“Oh, Caesar, I have come to report on the prisoner,” the guard began. “We made him fight each day, using the most basic weapons, like a, er, you know, whaddaya call it? That thing where they fight in the arena?”
Caesar sighed, rubbing his temples. “You mean a Gladiator?”
The guard snickered, glancing at the broken man on the floor. “No, Caesar. He’s no longer Glad I ate her. He actually quite regrets it now.”
