10/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21380
A guy shuffles up to the Pearly Gates, looking hopeful—only to find a celestial bouncer in a halo and wings giving him the once-over.
“Welcome,” says the angel, clipboard in hand. “Heaven’s not exactly a walk-in situation. We’ve got standards.”
“Were you religious?”
“Nah.”
“…That’s not great.”
“Generous? Donated to charity? Dropped a quid in a tin?”
“Not really.”
“Also… not great.”
“Any good deeds? Held a door? Let someone merge in traffic? Anything?”
“Uh… nope.”
The angel pinches the bridge of his nose. “Mate, everyone does one decent thing. Think! I’m literally trying to get you in here!”
The man scratches his head. “Well… there was this one time. I walked out of Tesco, and this sweet old lady was getting mobbed by a gang of Hell’s Angels—leather, tattoos, the whole ‘I-break-spines-for-breakfast’ vibe. They’d snatched her handbag and were shoving her around like she owed them rent.
I saw red. Dropped my shopping, charged in like a caffeinated badger, wrestled her purse back, helped her up—and then I marched right up to the biggest, scariest biker, called him a spineless wanker, and spat right in his face!”
The angel’s eyes widen. “Blimey! That’s actually… wow. Heroic! When did this happen?”
The man shrugs. “’Bout ten minutes ago.”
The angel blinks. “…So… you’re not dead yet?”
Silence.
Then, from somewhere below: “OI! YOU DROPPED YOUR KEYS!”
