06/27/2026 from Daily Jokes
#22311
Picture a seasoned, silver-haired husband of forty years sitting in a comfortable leather chair, a cup of coffee in hand, delivering his personal
“Ten Commandments of Matrimony” to a room full of nervous, soon-to-be grooms at a bachelor party.
“We all know the old saying that marriages are made in heaven,” he began with a knowing, gentle wink. “But let me tell you, so are thunder and lightning. That’s Commandment Number One right there.” He chuckled, taking a slow sip of his coffee. “Now, if you ever want your spouse to truly listen and pay strict attention to every single word you say, just talk in your sleep. That’s the secret to getting heard, or Commandment Number Two.”
“Number Three is a matter of simple financial math,” he continued, leaning back. “Marriage is grand, but divorce? Divorce is at least a hundred grand. Keep that in mind the next time you’re arguing over who forgot to pay the electric bill.” He paused, his tone turning a bit more theatrical. “Commandment Number Four is all about the evolution of volume in the house. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year? They both speak, and the neighbors listen.”
The room erupted in laughter, and he held up a hand to quiet them down. “Moving on to Number Five. When you see a man politely open the car door for his wife, you can be absolutely sure of one thing: either the car is brand new, or the wife is.” He smiled, his expression turning a bit more thoughtful. “Commandment Number Six is really the core of it all. Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
“Now, pay close attention to Number Seven,” he said, pointing a finger at the young men. “Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said, analyzing every single word. After marriage? He will fall fast asleep before you even finish your sentence.”
He sighed dramatically, shaking his head. “Commandment Eight is the great male tragedy. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, deeply understanding, highly economical, and a master chef in the kitchen. But the law, unfortunately, allows only one wife.”
“And for the ladies,” he added with a roguish grin, “Commandment Number Nine is the exact same deal. Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical, and a considerate lover. But again, the law allows only one husband.” He finished his coffee and set the mug down on the table with a definitive clink. “Which brings us to the final Commandment, Number Ten. A man is completely incomplete until he marries. But after that? He is absolutely finished.”
