11/01/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21401
One afternoon, a woman came home early from work and caught her husband in bed with a stunning young woman.
Furious, she screamed:
“You cheating, two-timing slug! How could you?! I’ve been loyal, I’ve raised your kids, I’ve put up with your snoring—and now THIS?! I want a divorce. TODAY.”
Her husband held up a hand.
“Hang on, sweetheart—just let me explain.”
She crossed her arms. “Fine. These are your last words. Make ‘em good.”
He cleared his throat dramatically:
“Okay, so… after work today, I got in the car, and this poor woman flagged me down for a ride. She was skin-and-bones, covered in mud, and said she hadn’t eaten in three days.”
“My heart broke! So I brought her here—figured I’d feed her before dropping her off. Gave her that plate of goulash I made you last night—the one you refused because you were ‘watching your figure.’ She scarfed it down like it was Michelin-starred.”
“Then I let her shower. While she was cleaning up, I saw her clothes were basically compost. So I tossed ‘em. Figured she needed something decent—so I gave her those jeans you haven’t worn since 2019 because they ‘squeeze your thighs.’”
“Then I grabbed the lacy underwear I bought you that you said made you ‘look like a rejected burlesque act.’”
“Oh! And that hideous Christmas sweater from my mom—the one you swore you’d never wear just to ‘teach her a lesson’? Yeah, she got that too.”
“Even tossed in those designer heels you wore once and then complained about because ‘Janice from accounting had the same pair.’”
He paused for effect… then leaned in with a grin:
“And as I walked her to the door, she turned to me—eyes glistening—and whispered…”
“‘You’re such a kind soul… Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?’”
