10/26/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21363
Not long ago, in the dusty heart of the Outback, a lone police cruiser sat parked outside a bar like a very patient, slightly bored kangaroo. Just after last call, the officer spotted a bloke wobbling out of the pub like a penguin on roller skates—so gloriously sloshed he looked like gravity was personally offended by him.
The man staggered around the car park like he’d never seen a vehicle before, fumbling his keys into door handles like he was trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded. He gave five wrong cars a solid go—each one politely declining his drunken advances—before finally collapsing into what he hoped was his own ride.
Once inside, he sat there like a confused sloth, watching as sober(ish) patrons peeled out one by one. Then came the main event: he fired up the engine, cranked the wipers (on a bone-dry, starry summer night), flashed his blinkers like he was Morse-coding aliens, blasted the horn like he was summoning Bigfoot, and flicked the headlights on and off like he was trying to signal a passing UFO.
He inched forward, reversed like he’d forgotten which pedal did what, then just… sat. Contemplating life. Or maybe his shoelaces.
Finally, when he was the last soul in the lot—everyone else having wisely fled—he rolled out onto the road at the speed of a sleepy tortoise.
That’s when Officer Patience™ sprang into action. Sirens wailing (well, chirping politely), lights flashing like a disco ball with authority issues, he pulled the man over and whipped out the breathalyzer.
The result? Stone-cold sober. Not a whiff of grog.
The cop blinked. “Mate… this machine’s gotta be busted. You’re coming down to the station.”
The man straightened his shirt with theatrical pride and declared, “Nah, mate. The machine’s fine. Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
Cue the tumbleweeds—and the officer’s shattered faith in humanity.
