08/30/2026 from Daily Jokes
#22600
It was a slow Tuesday afternoon at a local McDonald’s, and the store manager, Dave, was sifting through a towering stack of job applications, desperately hoping to find at least one candidate who knew how to properly operate a deep fryer without causing a minor fire hazard. Then, he pulled out a form filled out by a guy named Greg Bulmash, and
Dave immediately knew his day had just gotten a lot more interesting.
Under “Desired Position,” Greg had written, “Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.” When it came to “Desired Salary,” Greg didn’t hold back, demanding “$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.”
The education section simply read, “Yes.” His “Last Position Held” was listed as “Reclining on my mom’s couch,” with a previous salary of “Less than I’m worth.” When asked for his most notable achievement, Greg proudly claimed his “incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes,” noting his reason for leaving that prestigious role was simply, “It sucked.”
Dave rubbed his temples as he continued reading. Greg claimed he was available to work “Any” hours, but his
“Preferred Hours” were strictly “1:30 to 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.” Asked if he had any special skills, Greg cryptically replied, “Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.” When the form asked, “May we contact your current employer?” Greg shot back, “If I had one, would I be here?”
The physical requirements section asked if he had any conditions prohibiting him from lifting up to 50 lbs. Greg’s response: “Of what?” Asked if he had a car, he countered, “I think the more appropriate question here would be, ‘Do you have a car that runs?’” As for special awards, he noted he might already be a winner of the Publisher’s
Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. When asked if he smokes, he wrote, “Only when set on fire.”
Finally, the application asked what he would like to be doing in five years. Greg didn’t miss a beat: “Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.” At the bottom, where it asked him to certify that the information was true and complete, Greg boldly wrote, “No, but I dare you to prove otherwise,” and signed his name not with a signature, but with his astrological chart: “Scorpio with Libra rising.”
Dave stared at the paper for a long moment, completely torn between throwing it in the trash and hiring Greg on the spot just to see what kind of beautiful chaos he would bring to the drive-thru window.
