10/11/2026 from Daily Jokes
#22761
Lady Penelope was a woman of immense wealth, impeccable taste, and absolutely zero empathy. As Christmas approached, she sat in her velvet-draped drawing room, sipping Earl Grey tea while her long-suffering maid, Martha, stood by with a notepad, ready to document the mistress’s charitable “generosity” toward the staff.
“Now, Martha,” Lady Penelope began, adjusting her pearl necklace with icy precision. “Let us discuss the Christmas presents for the help. What about Arthur, the butler?”
Martha hesitated, knowing her employer’s stinginess well. “Perhaps a nice set of crystal wine glasses, Madam? He has been with you for twenty years.”
Lady Penelope frowned icily, as if Martha had suggested giving the man a live tiger. “He doesn’t really need that, Martha. A butler never entertains; he serves. He’ll get a tie. A sensible, polyester blend. Next.”
Martha grimaced but kept her composure. “And what about Jenny, the young serving girl? She’s been working double shifts all month.”
Lady Penelope waved a dismissive hand. “She doesn’t really need a new dress. If she gets a fancy dress, she’ll only get in trouble or develop ideas above her station. We’ll get her another apron. She can use the old one for polishing silver.”
The conversation continued in this same vein of calculated miserliness. Martha’s patience was wearing thin, her knuckles white as she gripped the notepad. Finally, they reached the last name on the list: Martha’s own husband, George, who worked as the groundskeeper.
“I assume,” Martha said, her voice trembling slightly with suppressed rage, “that you want to get him something he really needs, Madam? Something practical?”
“Of course, Martha,” Lady Penelope replied, looking up from her magazine with a smug, self-satisfied smile. “I am nothing if not fair. What do you suggest for George?”
Martha looked her employer dead in the eye, dropped the pen, and said with perfect, deadpan clarity:
“Then how about three more inches?”
