Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no re-sponse. After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.

The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well: “How old are you?” No response. The dentist then asked: “Don’t you know how old you are?” Immediately four tiny fingers went up.

“Oh,” replied the dentist, “and do you know how old that is?” Four little fingers went up once again. Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked: “Can you talk?”

The solemn little patient looked at him and asked: “Yes! And can you count?”

Year ago when the Northern Lights were especially  bright, a young man went out late one night, saw them, and thought it was the end of time. He rushed down through the community, trying to wake up people up.

He came to the house of an old man, started pounding on his door yelling, ”Get up! They day of Judgment has come!”

The old man yelled back, ” Go back to bed. Who ever heard of the Day of Judgment coming in the middle of the night?”

A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.

They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Better tell us why you asked us to come.”

The old preacher stirred himself wheezed and said ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband.

“I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”’

Four retired ladies are playing bridge.

One of them looks across at her partner and says, “I know we’ve been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can’t remember your name. Could you please tell me again?”

Her partner looks at her for a long moment and finally replies, “How soon do you need to know?”