Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.

In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, “No, let me see the next room.”

In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again.

Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries.

The guy says, “Ok, I pick this room.” Satan says Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee.

On the way out Satan yells, “OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”

The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said.

Minutes later, a chair opened up, and his name was called…..”Pheven”?

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.

A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.

B: I’m not. I’m her MOTHER.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

“The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

A male student inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

A traveling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house.

The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn’t resist going over and talking to him.

“You look as if you don’t have a care in the world,” the salesman told him. “What is your formula for a long and happy life?”

“Well,” replied the little old man, “I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night.”

“My goodness,” exclaimed the salesman, “that’s just great! How old are you?”

“Twenty-five,” he replied.