Daily Joke: Jokes Library

There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.

The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. “Little boy, why are you crying?” he asks. The boy says, “A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!”

The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. “Little girl, why are you crying?” he asks. The girl says, “A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!”

The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. “Little boy, why are you laughing?” he asks. The boy says, “My dad farted and the house blew up!”

A man and a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper and lower berth of a long distance train.

At 2 am, man leans over saying, “Ma’am, sorry to bother you, would you be kind enough to give me a second blanket from the side table. It’s awfully cold here.

“I have a better idea”, she replied, “Just for tonight, why don’t we pretend that we are married?”

“Great idea Ma’am”, he replied in great excitement.

She says, “Well then get up and get it yourself.”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…”
“I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…”
“I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t hard of hearing.”

The little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

The mother replies, “I don’t like her.”

Wife: “What are you doing?”

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”

Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”