Daily Joke: Jokes Library

“I`m ashamed of the way we live,” wife said to her lazy husband, our Santa, who refused to find a job.

“My father pays our rent, my mother buys all of our food, my sister buys our clothes, my aunt bought us a car. I`m just so ashamed.”

Santa rolled over on the couch. “You should be ashamed,” he agreed. “Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a thing!”

Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I’ll inherit his large fortune.”

Impressed, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe’s stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!

Son: Dad You Are My Hero.

Dad: Really!

Son: Yes.

Son: Can You Give Me An Autograph With Your Eyes Closed?

Dad: Well, Yes.

Son: Then Sign My Report Card With Your Eyes Closed.

Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement.

“Yeah,” said Rob, “would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?”

“No way in hell” said the bartender.

“Well, said Rob, “neither would my fiancée.”

A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”

“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.”

“Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative.

The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”