Daily Joke: Jokes Library

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”

“Well,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”

Where does The Lone Ranger take his garbage.

To the dump

To the dump

To the dump dump dump

On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy.

My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool.

After a pause, the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”

Note: Playmate is a model of Ice Cooler Box by Igloo Corporation

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory.

She kept throwing away the W’s

1] Jack (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

[2] Melanie (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.
Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

[3] Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight.
“I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

[4] Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?

[5] Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
“Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

[6] Diane (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

[7] Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them , he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

[8] Clinton (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

[9] James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee
out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

[10]Tammy (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”