Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.

“Here,” she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”

“Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”

Alitalia: Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta

American: Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and Nausea

Delta: Don’t Ever Leave The Airport

El Al: Every Landing Always Late

Olympic: Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash

Sabena: Such A Bad Experience – Never Again

TWA: That Was Awful

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”

Bartender:”What is a B and C?”.

Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”

Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”

Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”

Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”

Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”

Bartender: “What’s a 15?”

Blonde: “7 and 7”

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted,”Order! Order!”

The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you, your honour, I’ll have a scotch and soda.”