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04/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17022
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,
and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.
He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”
04/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17020
An old man and an old woman are sitting in their rocking chair.
The old woman embroiders while the old man reads the paper.
The old woman looks at him with remembrance in her eyes, and she says,
“Honey you don’t ever sit next to me like you used to. “
He puts the paper down and scoots over close to her.
Then she says
“Honey you don’t ever put your arm around me anymore.”
He again Puts the paper down and puts his arm around her.
She said, “Honey you never nibble on my ear anymore. “
He gets up and walks away!
She said
“Honey where are you going “and
He said,
” gotta go get my teeth.”
04/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17017
A vain lion wanted to find out why the other animals were not as beautiful as he.
First he asked a giraffe.
The giraffe did not know.
Next, the lion asked a bear.
The bear had no answer.
Then the lion asked a hippopotamus and again got no answer.
Finally, the lion met a mouse.
He asked the mouse,
“Tell me, why aren’t you as big, as strong, and as beautiful as I am?”
The mouse looked up at the lion and said,
“Well, I have been sick.”
04/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17015
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box back home, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he knocked on the box and asked the centipede,
“Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,
“How about going to church with me and receiving blessings?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
Finally, the guy decided to give the centipede one last chance.
This time he put his face right up against his pet’s house and shouted,
“Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Church with me and learn about God?”
This time, a rather annoyed little voice came out of the box,
“I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on.”
04/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17013
A Scotsman went skiing in Canada for the first time.
At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern.
After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.
“Barkeep,” he said,
“what the hell is that?”
The bartender said,
“Oh, that’s a moose!”
The Scotsman bugged out his eyes and cried,
“Holy crap! How big are the cats?!”