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02/01/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15649
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, “Can you please help me, I don’t know what Hole I’m on.”
She told him “You are one hole behind me. I’m on 7; you’re on 6.”
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
Later, he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
“I’m sorry to bother you again but I’m lost; can you please tell me what hole I’m on.
“She told him, “You are one hole behind me. I’m on 14; you are on 13.”
Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse.
He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out.
She accepted. As they were drinking and talking, he asked her what she did for a living.
“I’m in sales,” she said.
He replied, “No kidding; so am I.”
“What do you sell?”
She responded that it was too embarrassing to tell; but after he kept pleading to know what she sold, she finally said that she would tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.
She said, “I sell sanitary napkins.”
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, “You promised you wouldn’t laugh”.
He replied (still with tears in his eyes), “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. I sell toilet paper….. I’m still one Hole behind you.”
01/31/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15646
Husband says to his wife.
Husband: If I died would you date another man.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him move in to our house.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him sleep in our bed.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him use my Golf Clubs.?
Wife: Definitely not!
Husband: Is that because they are personal to me.?
Wife: No it’s because he is left handed…
01/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15643
God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.
Poof! All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America.
He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.
Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so many people just ignored me standing there.
Man: don’t worry about it! That’s just what good people do.After a few minutes driving the man leans over,
Man: Hey, I have this sandwich here, ya want some?
Jesus: wow, thank you sir, that’s so kind of you! I’d love some. A few more minutes pass and the man leans over again.
Man: Hey I have a few beers in the cooler back there, want one? Amazed by the man’s kindness.
Jesus: wow sure! I’d love one. Thank you again. After a few more miles down the road the man looks around suspiciously and says…
Man: hey…I uh, have a little joint here. Want to take a few puffs with me? Jesus pauses for a second.
Jesus: ya know what, why not! So the man and Jesus drive down the road smoking the fattest joint listening to music and having a good time. Finally, Jesus speaks up.
Jesus: okay listen! I can’t keep quiet any longer! You have been so kind, so nice, I want to tell you…I’m Jesus! God sent me down here to help the people and you’ve just been so kind. What can I do to repay you? Anything!
The man looks at Jesus with a grin on his face and says, “Good sh!t, huh?”
01/29/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15640
A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”
The librarian says, “You want a book?”
“Book.”“Any book?”“Book.”
So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes.
An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”
The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”
“Book-book.”
So she gives the chicken two more novels.
The chicken leaves but again comes back later.
“Book-book-book.”
“Three books?”
“Book-book-book.”
So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she’ll follow the chicken and find out what’s going on.
And the chicken goes down the alley, out of town and toward the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog.
The chicken sets the books down by him.
The bullfrog looks at the books and says, “Reddit…Reddit…Reddit…”
01/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15637
A kid from Louisiana moves to California and is looking for a job.
The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Louisiana.”
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. After we close we’ll see how you did.”
First day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store closed, the boss asked, “How many sales today?”
The kid says, “One.”
The boss says, “One? We average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
Kid says, “$101,237.64.”
Boss says, “$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?”
Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook. Then a medium fish hook. Then, a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.I asked him where he was going fishing and he said “at the coast”, so I told him he was gonna need a boat.
We went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine. He said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”
The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”
Kid says, “No sir, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing”.