Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
12/18/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15516
He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch.
He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay.
A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy.
The Amish man stops and asks, “Would you like some help, English?”.
The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Amish man dismounts and ties his horse to the car.
“Alright Nelly, pull!”. The horse remains motionless. “Now you Chester, Pull!”. The horse again, does nothing. “Come Blacky, pull!”.
Finally the horse takes some steps and effortlessly pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road.
“Woah, Blacky, that’s good!”, the Amish man calls and the horse stops.
The motorist shakes the Amish man’s hand and says, “I really appreciate the help, but why did you call that horse by three different names?”
“Oh, the Amish man says, that horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to do it, you see, but if he thought he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”
12/17/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15514
A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.
His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband.
She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked.
“Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seductively.
The husband, looking sad and dejected, drops his pants, and says “Sweetheart, look what the Germans blew away.”
12/16/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15510
A beautiful woman approaches him.
The woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?” and the man is stunned.
He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.
They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.
Within seconds they start taking off their clothes.
After minutes of passionately making love they finally finish.
They both put their clothes on and just sit there awkwardly.
The woman speaks up and says “I’m a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service.”
The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him.
He gives her the money and she tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies “I’m a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back.”
12/15/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15507
Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”
When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole.
Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”
When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had a stick.
Susie’s father stated “you have a garage and Johnny is just a sports car trying to park. Don’t let him park in your garage!”
So a few days pass and sure enough, Johnny and Susie are playing naked again — when Johnny proudly stands up and says “Susie, let me park my Ferrari in your garage”, to which she refuses.
Johnny continues to insist on parking his Ferrari until Susie has had enough and goes home.
When Susie gets home, her mother asks “Susie… what’s all that red stuff on your hands?” To which Susie replied:“Johnny tried to park his Ferrari in my garage, so I ripped the back wheels off”
12/14/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15503
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine once and looking outside from his car’s windows. Suddenly, he saw two men along the roadside, and upon close observation, he saw that they were busy eating grass.
The lawyer was very disturbed to see such a sight, and he ordered his driver to stop the car right away. As soon as the limousine stopped, he stepped out to investigate the matter.
“Why are you eating grass?” asked the wealthy lawyer to one of the two men.
The poor men were startled to see the lawyer and his limousine, and one of them replied to his question, “We don’t have any money for food, so we have to eat grass.”
The wealthy lawyer was moved by the poor men’s desolate condition and wanted to help them however he could. So he looked at them with a smile on his face and said, “Well, then. You can come with me to my house, and I’ll feed you.”
Upon hearing the lawyer’s offer, the poor men were relieved. However, one of them was busy processing his thoughts, and he said to the lawyer, “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” replied the lawyer.
He then turned to the other poor man and said, “You can also come with us.”
The other man was struggling with something as well and proceeded in a pitiful voice, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” said the wealthy lawyer.
So eventually, the two poor men entered the limousine with their families, which was a cumbersome task, even for a car as large as the limousine. The wealthy lawyer then asked his driver to get going.
On their way, one of the poor men was very impressed with the lawyer’s act of kindness and wanted to thank him. So he turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
“Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!” replied the lawyer.