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11/18/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15427
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River. After a few hours just lying about, the smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids – I just don’t get it.’
‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘What have you been eating?’ ‘Well, mostly politicians that come here with their mistresses, same as you!’ replied the small Croc. ‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’ ‘On the other side of the river near the car park.’
‘Same here. Hmm… Tell me your method. How do you catch them?’ asked the big Croc. ‘Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the c*ap out of them and eat ’em!’
‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the c*ap out of a Politician, there’s nothing much left but an a**hole with a briefcase.’
11/17/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15425
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain
announced ” Please prepare for a crash landing “.
The first lady put on all her jewelry .
Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions.
The first lady replied, well when they come to rescue us they
will see that I am rich and will rescue me first.
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to
take off her top and bra.
Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned, well
when they come to rescue us they will see my great melons
and will take me first.
The third lady who was African not wanting to be out done
took off her pants and panties.
Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned,
well they always search for the black box first.
11/16/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15423
Dead Penguins – I never knew this!
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
11/15/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15421
Son Says: Daddy, how was I born?
Dad Says: Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway…
Mom and dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cybercafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad’s memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared.
And that’s the story.
11/14/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15419
A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon.
The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off.
As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out …” and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?” she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed “Good God all mighty.”
The minister said “That’s right, that’s right” and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to …” and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?”
The wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted “Jesus Christ.”
The Minister said “That’s right, that’s Right” and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to …” and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?”
The wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, “If you stick that damn thing in me again I’ll break it off.”