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10/09/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15308
Death: It’s your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I’ll never die!
Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You’re soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde… Dumbass…
10/08/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15305
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a firefighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.
The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.
“Thanks,” says the little boy.
As the firefighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
“Little partner,” the firefighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”
The little boy says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
10/07/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15301
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
10/05/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15296
An architect vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
What are you doing here?”
The architect replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”
The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”
10/03/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15293
It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn’t been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.
About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, “Dear, I think I’ve come up with the perfect sermon! I’m going to give a sermon about horseback riding!”
She said, “Don’t be silly! You can’t give a sermon about horseback riding!”
He replied, “Well, it’s going to have to do because I’ve preached on just about every other subject I can think of.”
The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, “I can’t believe that you’re insisting on doing this! You know, if you’re going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding,
I’m just going to stay in the car during the service.”
He said, “OK, then, suit yourself!”, so she stayed in the car.
Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe.
As the congregation filed out of the church, some of he members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window.
One of them said, “Wow! you just missed the best sermon your husband has EVER given!”
She said, “Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he’s only tried it twice in his life! “Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!”