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10/16/2020 from Daily Jokes
#13760
A woman scanned the guest at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone so she approached him.
“My name is Carmen,” she told him.
“That’s a beautiful name,” he replied, “Is it a family name?”
“No! I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most-cars and men.”
“What’s your name?” she asked.
With a smile he replied,
“B.J. Titsenbeer”
10/15/2020 from Daily Jokes
#13757
A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
“That will be $1.08, please,” says the clerk.
“What’s the 8 cents for?” asks the blonde.
“It says one dollar right here on the packaging.”
“Tax,” replies the clerk.
“Gee”, says the blonde,
“I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put.”
10/14/2020 from Daily Jokes
#13750
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
“Oh, no!” the blonde shouted in dismay.
“This one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
10/13/2020 from Daily Jokes
#13746
A lady with a prize-winning schnauzer feared that the dog was going deaf. It wouldn’t come when called, heel as he had been trained to do nor obey any other voice commands.
So she took her dog to the vet. The vet examined the dog thoroughly and announced that there was nothing wrong except the dog had excessive hair growing in its ears which was the cause of his diminished hearing.
“He can’t hear you, but he is not deaf. You must treat him with a depilatory. I haven’t any in stock, but just get some ‘Neet’ or ‘Nair’ at your local pharmacy. This will work just as well as the doggie brand.”
So the lady went to the nearest pharmacy, located a small bottle of ‘Nair’ and looked over the instructions. But there was nothing in there pertinent to her dog. So she took it to the pharmacist and asked his advice.
“How do I apply this product?”, she inquired.
“Do I put it on right out of the bottle or do I dilute it or what?”
The man replied, “For your legs, put it on straight, right out of the bottle.
For your underarms, I recommend you dilute it 50-50 with water.”
She blushed, “I don’t think you understand, it’s for my schnauzer.”
“Oh ,yes” replied the pharmacist, peering at her over his spectacles.
“In that case, I suggest you dilute it 3 to 1 with water oh, and by the way, I wouldn’t ride a bicycle for a few days.”
10/12/2020 from Daily Jokes
#13742
An older couple are playing in the annual club championship.
They are playing in a playoff hole and it is down
to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make.
She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling.
She putts and misses, they lose the match.
On the way home in the car her husband is fuming,
“I can’t believe you missed that putt!”
“That putt was no longer than my ‘willy’.”
The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, “yes dear, but it was much harder!”