Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
08/20/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9544
Daily Joke: I Flattened Your Cat en Espanol
Seems a guy was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat*… he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, “Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off….”
“Not so fast”, says she. “How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?”
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said “He looks like this” as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
“Oh no, you *horrible* man”, she replied. “I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?”
At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed “Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”
08/19/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9543
Daily Joke: Two Bachelors en Espanol
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.
“I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank.
“You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”
08/18/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9542
Daily Joke: Reward for goodness en Espanol
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The first man replied, “Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife.” The Lord replied, “Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The second man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife twice.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, “So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?” The third man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. “Why are you crying?” the two men asked. “You got the mansion and limo!” The first man replied, “I’m crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!”
08/17/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9541
Daily Joke: Reasons to leave work en Espanol
1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.
2. Came dressed in only a towel…again.
3. Ran out of paper clips.
4. I’ve decided to telecommute.
5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.
6. It’s a long drive home to Texas.
7. One-day sale at Macy’s.
8. My brain is melting!
9. I think they found me out…
10. Accidently erased the whole week’s work off the computer disk.
08/16/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9540
Daily Joke: The crowded store en Espanol
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line…
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below