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08/05/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9529
Daily Joke: Buying a Car en Espanol
A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.
She told her husband, “Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to be able to do it in just a few seconds!”
The husband bought her a bathroom scale.
(The funeral is at 3:00pm Wednesday)
08/04/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9528
Daily Joke: Family Bible en Espanol
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It’s Adam’s Suit!”
08/03/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9527
Daily Joke: One Wish en Espanol
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman Asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So… what’ll it be?”
The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.”
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.”
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know – one that’s considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for…a good man.”
The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see the map again.”
08/02/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9526
Daily Joke: The ABCs of Aging en Espanol
A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure–I’d rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.
W is for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have– in my mind.
I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!
08/01/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9525
Daily Joke: A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar en Espanol
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini to the amazement of the bartender.
When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he’s further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.
The bartender takes the $20, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla on $1 change.
The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
“We don’t get too many apes in here,” he says.
The gorilla replies, “At $19 a drink, I’m not surprised.”
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