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09/11/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9189
Daily Joke: Adam And Eve en Espanol
One day in the Garden of Eden…
Eve : Adam, do you really love me?
Adam: no, not really.
Eve : WHAT?! Then why did you make love to me??
Adam: HELLO?!? as if I had a choice!
09/10/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9188
Daily Joke: Jesus Cures en Espanol
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, “Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war…could you help me?”
“Of course, my son”, Jesus said, and when he touched the man’s back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, “Don’t touch me! I’m on long term disability.”
09/09/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9187
Daily Joke: Chatting During Flight en Espanol
A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the southern congressman. ‘How about global warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don’t know crap?
09/08/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9186
Daily Joke: City Boy en Espanol
Morris, a city boy moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.”
“Well then just give me my money back.”
“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
“OK, then. Just unload the donkey.”
“What ya gonna do with him?”
“I’m going to raffle him off.”
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
“Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked,
“Whatever happened with that dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998. ”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”
09/07/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9185
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”
“That’s amazing!” said the one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay.
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