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11/07/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8237
Daily Joke: Welcome Aboard en Espanol
“This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
“If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
“If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
“That’s me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.”
11/06/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8236
Daily Joke: One Tough Lie en Espanol
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.”
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?”
God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”
11/03/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8235
Daily Joke: Under the Bridge en Espanol
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
11/02/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8234
Daily Joke: Three Women Getting Older en Espanol
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”
The second lady chimed in, “Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”
The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”
11/01/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8233
Daily Joke: All in the Family en Espanol
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters.’ They are married to God.”
“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
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