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07/05/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18578
Few years have passed and Sally and Meg finally meet after a long time not seeing each other.
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks
“If there is a memento of some sort inside.”
“Yes,” says Sally, “a look of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
07/04/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18575
A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.
A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn.
The man notices the dog lying at the farmer’s feet and smiles at the pooch.
“Can I talk to your dog?” The man asks.
The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs.
“Dog doesn’t talk, but whatever,” he replies.
“How are you doing, dog?” The man questions.
“Doing pretty good,” the dog answers to the utter shock of the farmer.”
“My master takes me on three walks a day, lets me run in the field, and feeds me every day. I have a good life here.”
The man smiles.
He then notices a horse who had trotted over to see what was going on.
“Can I talk to your horse?” The man asks again.
The farmer is still skeptical.
“Horse doesn’t talk, but whatever,” the farmer answered again.
“How are you doing, horse?” The man queries.
“Doing really good!” The horse answers enthusiastically.
The farmer’s jaw has gone slack.
“My master feeds me every day and lets me from the stables at dawn and dusk to run and stretch my legs.”
The man nods his head. He looks around and spots a sheep grazing nearby.
“Can I talk to your sheep?” The man asks.
“THAT SHEEP IS A FORKIN’ LIAR!” The farmer sho
07/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18572
So an older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend .
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said,
“I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only ££40,000”, the jeweller said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said,
“We’ll take it.”
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check.
“I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man.
“There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man,
“but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
07/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18567
A police officer pulls over an elderly couple He walks up to the driver’s side window and asks the husband for his license and registration.
The wife, hard of hearing, asks
“what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband replies
“he wants my license!”
The officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going.
The wife yells “what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband yells back “he says I was speeding!”
As the officer looks at the license he notices they’re from Ohio
“you know, I used to live in Ohio. Worst place ever. I was seeing this woman there, and it was just miserable. She would never shut up, couldn’t cook worth s!!!!!!!t, constantly belittled me.
The old lady once again yells
“what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband yells back
“he said you two used to date!”
07/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18563
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
“Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said,
“How soon do you need to know?”