Daily Joke: Jokes Library

This man was talking to himself. “I wish I could meet some really important people before I die….”

A man walked up to him and said, “Hi, my name is Mike and I overheard you. I can help you because I know everybody on the planet who is alive today.”

“No way, you must be pulling my leg. Let’s go to Jane Hull so you can prove it to me,” said the man.

So they go to Jane Hull’s office, and when she notices Mike, they start to talk about how they were in kindergarten together.

“Okay, it could have been a coincidence that you were in kindergarten together. Let’s go talk to the president!” said the man. So they took a jet to the White House where the President was having a press conference. When the President saw Mike, they started to talk about how they were in band together.

“Okay for your last test, let’s go to the Pope!” said the man. So they took a jet to Rome and when they got there they went to a church were the Pope was giving a sermon. After the sermon, Mike walked up to the Pope and they shook hands and started to talk.

When Mike walked back over to the man, the man said, “You know, I had a hard time believing you even after the Pope until a guy came up to me and said, “Hey who is that standing next to Mike?!”

a blonde and ger girlfriend were talking, when the girlfriend mentioned to her blonde friend that xmas falls on friday this year, the blonde responds wow, i hope its not on the 13th. !

Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun.

A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained, “Mamma, I’m soooo hungry. What can we eat?”

To which the mamma cat, spying the two birds, replied, “How about some baskin’ robbins?”

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”

“Dear God! Did your try to stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry. I got the license plate number!”

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number.

“Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested.

The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.

The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked.

“No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”