Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:”That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

The young man replied, “I know. But I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”

A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in time to see their plane taking off.

The husband was angry to have missed the plane. “If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,” he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have missed the plane.”

“And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we wouldn’t have to wait so long until the next flight,” she replied.

What do Italian students need in order to work on their city’s sewer system?

Di-ploma.

A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling.

They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage.

After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”

The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”

A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman.

He asked, “Why was I pulled over when I wasn’t the only one speeding.”

The police replied, “Have you ever been fishing?”

The man then said, “yes”.

“Have you ever caught all the fish?” asked the policeman.