Daily Joke: Jokes Library

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– he knocks him off the bar stool and says,

“That was a karate chop from Korea.”

The little guy thinks “GEEZ” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK– the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says,

“That was a judo chop from Japan.”

So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back –WHACK!!!– He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says,

“When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.”

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”

“And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”

The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have everything.”

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. “Geez, are you lucky.” The cyclist says.

“What do you mean by lucky?” The pedestrian angrily asks. “I got hurt really bad.”

“Ah, you’re lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.”

On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him.

“Give the poor man a glass of brandy,” advises a woman.

“Give him a heart massage, ” says someone else.

“No, just give him some brandy,” insists the woman.

“Call an ambulance,” yells another person.

“A brandy!”

The man suddenly sits up and exclaims. “Shut up, everybody,and do as the kind lady says!”

Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.

He sits down next to a guy that jerks his arm to the left every few seconds, accidentally hitting Fred over and over. This really starts to get on Fred’s nerves, so he asks “What the heck is wrong with you?”

The reply is, “I got this in the war.”

Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats.

The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times. So Fred asks him, “What the heck is wrong with you?”

Again the answer is, “I got this in the war.”

Fred moves again.

The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand. Fred says, “Let me guess, you got that in the war.”

The reply was, “No, I got it out of my nose. I can’t get it off of my hand.”