Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member accepted.

“Ok” he said, “I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

“I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,”Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.

So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.

Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”

A couple who’d been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, “Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?”

He moved over and sat close to her.

“Dear,” she continued, “do you remember how you used to hold me tight?”

He reached over and held her tight.

“And,” she went on, “do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?”

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Well,” answered the husband, “I have to get my teeth.”