Daily Joke: Jokes Library

At the couples retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’

The woman wrote: ‘When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like him and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.’

The man wrote: ‘I love sex.’

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

“If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?

Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

Operator: Then what’s the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

Man to wife: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I’ve been giving you?

Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

I met a man who had been married for 66 years.

“Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”

“Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”

“Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?”

“Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decision!”