Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of retirees when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which she gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch he asks her: “Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?” “We can’t chew them because we have no teeth,” she replies. “We just love the chocolate coating on them.”

A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror. She said to her husband, “Darling, I’m old and fat. Cheer me up, pay me a compliment.” “Well,” he replies, “Your eyesight is still good!”

did you ever see the lady that had a baby through her nose well i did and it was a cute little bugger ha ha

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

This guy walks into the local bar one Friday afternoon when he gets out of work, as he steps up to the bar he sees his good friend Joe throw down 2 shots, he had a frown on his face. What’s with the long face Joe? Joe responds: “My wife told me today that she was only going to have sex with me on Mondays, and Thursdays!” “Well, “said the friend, “That’s not that bad, some of us she has cut off completely.”