Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A drunk goes into a bar. “Drinks for everyone, and one for you too.” he says to the bartender. The bartender serves everyone, including himself. “That’ll be fifty dollars, please.” I don’t have any money.” says the drunk. The bartender takes him outside and beats him up.

The next day the drunk comes back. “Drinks for everyone, including the bartender.” The bartender thinks to himself, he wouldn’t be so stupid to do the same thing again – he must have money this time, so he serves the drinks. But when he asks him to pay, the drunk tells him that he doesn’t have any money again. The bartender takes him outside and gives him a savage beating.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and tells the bartender to get a drink for everyone. “And not one for me tonight?” asks the bartender. “Nah,” says the drunk. “You get violent when you drink.” 

A wealthy man and his wife are going to a function, so they decide to give the butler the night off. However, a couple of hours later the wife was bored, so she leaves the party and goes home,only to find the butler sitting alone at the table. She orders the butler upstairs to her bedroom, where she locks the door. “Jeeves,” she commands, “take off my hat.” Jeeves promptly obeys. “Now, Jeeves,” she says, “take off my dress.” He obeys. “Now, Jeeves, please remove my underwear.” Breaking into a nervous sweat, Jeeves complies. “Now Jeeves,” the wife says, “if I should ever catch you wearing my clothes again…”

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed, “I’ll hear the oldest one first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of evidence.

A general surgeon makes more money then a neurosurgeon

After tucking their three-year-old son in bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from his ear. the little boy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”