Daily Joke: Jokes Library

With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.

After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled: “Go to sleep, I’m watching TV.”

“But Dad,” he protested, “my room is still on fire!”

A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said: “My God, you’re ugly!”

His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred.

Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly: “Aunt Mildred, I’m sorry you’re so ugly.”

A small boy came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked his father.

“I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet.”

“Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out”

So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush.

“Isn’t that my toothbrush?” the father said.

“Yes,” said the boy, “and we’d better throw this one out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago.”

On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Daniel.

‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.

‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

While a little boy was at school, his cat died. Worried about how he would take the news when he got home, his mother consoled him and said: “Don’t worry , darling. Tiger is in Heaven with God now.”

The boy looked at her and said: “What’s God gonna do with a dead cat?”