Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two country doctors were discussing the population explosion. One said: “This crazy birth rate is getting so bad that soon there ain’t gonna be room for everybody. It’s gonna be standing room only on this here planet.”

“Well,” said his colleague, “that sure oughta slow ’em down a bit!”

A man walked into a bar with a banana on his head. As he served him, the bartender said: “Look, I don’t know if you realize this, but you’ve got a banana on your head.”

“That’s ok,” said the man. “I always wear a banana on my head on Tuesdays.”

“But today’s Wednesday,” said the bartender.

“It’s not, is it?” groaned the man. “Oh no! I must look like a complete idiot!”

Two women sitting in the doctor’s waiting room began discussing babies.

“I want a baby more than anything else in the world.” said one. “But I guess it’s impossible.”

“I used to think that,” said the other. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to have a baby in three months.”

“You must tell me what you did.”

“I went to a faith healer.”

“But I’ve tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn’t help at all.”

The pregnant woman smiled and whispered: “Next time, try going alone.”

Fearing that he would be late for an important business meeting in London, a motorist was beginning to panic because he couldn’t find a parking space. Street after street was full, and growing ever more desperate, he decided to seek help from the Almighty.

Looking up to Heaven, he said: “Lord, please help me out here. If you find me a parking space, I’ll give up drinking, and women, and go to Mass every Sunday.”

Then as he turned the corner, miraculously a parking space appeared.

He looked skyward again and said: “Never mind, I found one.”

A woman was out driving when she stalled at a red light. Hard though she tried, she was unable to restart the engine and soon a long line began to form behind her. One of the male drivers was particularly impatient , sounding his horn continuously.

Finally, she got out of her car, walked over to the driver behind and said: “I can’t seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and see if you can get it started for me? I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you.”