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10/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17676
Two men are working on a telephone pole.
A little old lady walks by and one of the men yeII to her,
“Hey lady, can you move that wire off the sidewalk for us!”
She picks it up and moves it from the sidewalk.
The second electrician says,
“I told you it wasn’t live.”
10/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17671
A wife asks her programmer husband to go to the store
‘Can you go down to the store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.’
Later on, he returns home and she looks at his purchases and says
‘ Why do you have 6 gallons of milk?’
He responded
‘They had eggs.’
10/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17668
A maid asks the lady of the house for a raise.
“Why on Earth do you think you deserve that?” the lady asks.
Because your husband says I cook better than you ever did.
“Oh does he now? Well, that’s not enough, why else?” the lady asks.
“He also says I clean better than you ever did” the maid says.
“I shall give him a piece of my mind later then, but that’s still not enough to get a rise from me,” the lady replies.
“OK, I better in bed than you too.”
“WHAT!” screamed the lady.
“How dare you. And did my husband tell you that too?”
“No,” says the maid:
“It was the gardener, and now I think we can settle on double my rate.”
10/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17663
Mr Horse has always wanted to play the guitar…
So he starts going for lessons and after a few months, he is quite good so he calls on his friend Mr Pig who plays the piano because he would like to start a band.
They write some songs and play at some venues but all the fans say that they need a vocalist to take their band to the next level.
So they ask their friend Mr chicken who has always been a great singer.
Soon they are getting large gigs at concerts and are world famous.
They have all the money they could wish for.
Sadly Mr chicken gets sick and the band is forced to break up.
A few weeks later Mr chicken passes away.
Mr pig is devastated and changes his name and goes completely off the grid.
Mr Horses parents also get into a large dispute and get a divorce.
Mr Horse now has no friends or family to go to.
He enters a downward spiral and turns to substance abuse.
Eventually he comes back to his senses and decides to put together the last of his money and go on one big solo tour around the world to show everyone that he still has his talent but the
tour fails and he loses his money.
He decides that he is going to drown out his sorrows in with alcohol.
Horse walks into a bar and the barman says
“why the long face?”
10/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17659
A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday together.
The family gathers, but the couple’s children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud:
“Ugh, your children, always late.”
Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her.
After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain:
“Ugh, what’s with the food here, why is it always late?”
A few minutes later, the couple brings out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife.
Everyone eats and the evening continues.
While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says:
“Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time.”
A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her.
Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself:
“Ugh, this clock… always late.”