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10/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17656
An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says,
“Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says.
“I’m sick of her face, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says,
“Like hell, they’re getting divorced!” and calls her father immediately.
“You’re not getting divorced! Don’t do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?”
and she hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says
“Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
10/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17653
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle’s btt and asks, How high up are we?
the eagle replies.
“About 2,000 feet,” the eagle replies.
The mouse replies,
“You ain’t shtin’ me, are you?
10/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17650
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over.
One of the bees says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
But the man says,
“Don’t bother, she only runs on BP.”
10/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17646
An Elderly Cowboy Slim Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
He said,
“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral.”
Cowboy Slick said,
“You mean the parking lot?” Slick was a bit more worldly than Slim.
Slim said, “Then, I walked up the trail to the door.
Slick said, “You mean, the sidewalk to the door.
Slim said,
“Well, I guess. Once I was inside the door, I was met by this city-slicker dude.”
Slick growing frustrated said,
“Slim, that would be the usher.”
Slim nodded and said,
“Okay, well, the usher led me down the chute.”
Slick snarled and said, “You mean the aisle!”
Slim continued and said,
” Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there.”
Slick only responded with a one-word correction, “Pew!”
Slim said,
“Yeah, that’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”
10/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17643
One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note.
Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.
“Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old.
“We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.”
“Then we followed the man,” said the other boy,
“and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.”
“That’s a truly awful behaviour,” the mother replied.
“You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church.”
The boys did what they were told and went to the Church, to confess and atone before the priest.
After a while they came back with 100 euros, because now they also knew where the man worked!