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06/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17280
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
06/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17277
Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:
“Small world.”
06/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17274
A man and his dog walk into a pub.
The landlord said,
“Sorry, we don’t allow animals in here.”
The man replied, “But my dog can talk. Will you let him in, if he talks?”
The landlord chuckled and shook his head saying,
“Yeah, sure, why not?”.
The man looked at his dog and smiled,
“Alright! What’s on the outside of a tree?”.
The dog said, “Bark”.
“What’s on top of a house?”,
he asked next. “Roof!” the dog responded.
“What’s the opposite of smooth?”, he finally said.
“Ruff!”, the dog said.
The landlord snapped and stamped his feet on the ground saying,
“That’s it. Get out of my bar.”
The man sighed and walked out of the bar with his dog.
Outside the pub, the man shouted at the dog saying,
“What the hell was that?!”.
“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” the dog said.
06/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17271
One day, a man was dragged to the cinema by his wife who wanted to watch a romantic comedy.
Half an hour into the film, the man felt a nudge in his elbow.
“What an outrage,” his wife murmured to him.
“The person sitting in front of us is sleeping!” the woman said, clearly offended.
Her husband was fairly annoyed.
He replied:
“You woke me up to tell me that?”
06/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17268
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as
: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host,
“I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”
The old man hung his head.
“I have to tell you the truth,” he said,
“Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I’m scared to death to ask her what it is!”