Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
05/06/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8691
Daily Joke: Thumb Infection en Espanol
A man goes into a restaurant and orders soup. When the waiter brings out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decides to let it go.
“Would you like anything else?” the waiter inquires. “We have some very good roast beef today.” “Sounds good,” says the customer. So the waiter goes off and comes back with a plate of roast beef, and his thumb is in the gravy. The customer is getting pissed now, but decides to hold his tongue.
“How about some hot apple pie?” asks the waiter. “Fine,” says the customer. The waiter returns with his thumb stuck in the pie. Now the customer is really getting furious.
“Coffee?” asks the waiter, and when the customer nods yes, he hurries off. He returns with his thumb stuck in the cup of coffee. By now the customer can no longer restrain himself.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Every time you’ve come to the table you’ve had your thumb stuck in my food!” “I’ve got an infection and my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a hot, moist place.” “Why don’t you just stick it up your ass?” “Where do you think I put it when I’m in the kitchen?”
05/05/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8690
Daily Joke: Coast Is Clear en Espanol
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 AM, the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here?” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?”
The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.”
05/04/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8689
Daily Joke: Trainee Blondes Detectives en Espanol
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!” The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds”… think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm…the suspect wears contact lenses.” The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer…wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?
“That’s easy,” the blonde replied.
“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.
05/03/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8688
Daily Joke: Escapes From Prison en Espanol
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers to his wife,
“Listen this guy’s an escaped convict – look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which the wife responds,
“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too.”
05/02/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8687
Daily Joke: The Redhead en Espanol
A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”
“No, ” she says, ” I’m actually a Blonde.”
“I thought so, the doctor says. “Your finger is broken.”
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below