Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
02/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18032
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could Barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself
“I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and The light was red again.
Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said,
“Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”
Mildred turned to her and said,
“Oh Cr@@@@p, Am I Driving?”
02/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18028
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’
She says, ‘I was in bed.’
‘In bed this early, doing what?’
‘Getting a second opinion!’
01/31/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18025
Three mischievous old grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old man walked by.
One of the old ladies called out, saying,
“We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man responded,
“There is no way you can.”
One of the women said,
“Sure we can! Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped.
They asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said,
“You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants around his ankles, the old gent asked,
“How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
01/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18022
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
“Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”
Little Johnny replies,
“I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies,
“I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.”
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story…
After listening he replies:
“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!”
01/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18019
A Husband and wife are shopping in their local WalMart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.’ he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them.’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts:
‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.
‘On the PA system:
‘Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.’