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01/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17999
Bob, a 65-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old lady:
She proceeds to knock everyone’s socks off with her youthful appeal and charm.
She also hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.
They corner him and ask. “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
Bob replies. “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask.
“So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”
Bob says. “I lied about my age.”
His friends respond.
“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says.
“No, I told her I was 90.”
01/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17996
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist,
“Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”
“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.
“I know,” she said.
“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”
01/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17992
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty has written on it.”
He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.”
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She answers, “Your horse called.”
01/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17989
Little James is at a horse auction with his father.
He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, backside.
After a few minutes, little James asks,
“Dad, why are you doing that?”
Nodding, his father replies,
“Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I make a decision.”
Little James looks worried.
Finally, he says,
“Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
01/19/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17986
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe when the owner asked for the money.
“I’m not paying,” said the duck.
“I’ve only got one bill and I’m not breaking it.”
“I’ve spent my last buck,” said the deer.
“Then the duck has to pay,” said the skunk.
“Getting here cost me my last scent.”